| ive decided |
[27 Dec 2005|06:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the outsider - perfect circle |
] |
ive come to the conclusion that i need a girlfreind, nothing really new there but damnit i think its about time and with that im out for now sorry nothing to much more
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| fuck christmas |
[25 Dec 2005|10:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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rockstar - union underground |
] |
you never realize how much a commercial holiday sucks until you cant spend it with your family. fuck today
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| and im back |
[24 Dec 2005|01:14pm] |
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finally got the internet again so youll be seein me on here a whole lot more often
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[08 Dec 2005|11:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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red hot moon - rancid |
] |
there is no title for this one. right now i sit at work hoping, no praying, to god that my old car wich never got signed out of my name wont get impounded. for if it does that means i will face the following charges. 1. driving an uninsured car. 2. driving on a suspended tag. 3. possesion. so as you can see this really isnt my fucking day
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| well heres another for you animals |
[04 Dec 2005|02:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bhemion rhapsody(you fucking spell it)- queen |
] |
moved in place rocks. pain in face is gone, thank god. life still throwing me confusing ass curveballs (muwahahaha im so sneaky) work sucks. but im with freinds so i cant complain but with all else that could happen it could be worse. and with that time to tick away the time and get fucking hammered
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| good and bad |
[23 Nov 2005|10:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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some random punk cover of phantom of the opera |
] |
some stole all of my cds a few days ago, and i was hella pissed but then good things happened (wow this keyboard is fucked) but yeah finally got my bad tooth pulled so no more pain plus some fun little pills for my own use. then i got a new apartment that rocks all kinds of ass. i mean i walked in and its like the place came alive and bitch slapped me, or at least that was my reaction. but yes life is good aside from being the only member of my family still in the state. andwith that its back to work. andin closing fuck this keyboard.
~Ryan
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| damn it |
[06 Nov 2005|01:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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you lie - nin |
] |
i try to stop being all shy and laid back and actually take some action in my life and now im sitting at work with the distinct feeling that i fucked it all up. if not then super, but if i did there goes a shot at a relationship with a superbadass chick. well fuck im out so i can finish my shit and go see cky. peace out bitches
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| nothing like wasting time on the company dime |
[04 Oct 2005|09:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
korn greatest hits |
] |
so yeah there isnt a damn thing to do and im getting paid for it so i figured i would update this thing. still cant find a house or a place for that matter, wich really blows since my mom could really sell the house when ever she feels like. but other than that life is peachy. ive never really been so free in my life i feel like im actually an adult for once. but anywho ive been thinking a lot lately and i cant make up my mind on something lately. brittany should know what i mean, but ive been being a puss about it, i mean how hard is it to pick up a phone and push some buttons. for some fucked up reason it's just really hard for me at the moment. i feel like im thirteen again wich sucks. i dont know my only valid excuse is that i find it hard to call when i dont know the outcome let alone if i'll even get ahold of the person. ugh man i dont know. but yeah hopefully ill get my chance, im sure no one else will get this when they read this aside from britt. but maybe she can enlighten someone for me. oh well enough of this mindless ramble im out.
~Ryan
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| damn it all to hell, i say! |
[26 Sep 2005|04:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 rushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i'll be here awhile- 311 |
] |
finding a house fucking sucks. im running short on places that will be available to my pricerange/ time frame im working in. so its do something quick or go back to oklahoma, im begining to lean towards going back do to the fact that more than half of my loved ones there are nearing the end of there lifespans. wich makes me think about how in the last eight years ive only visited them twice maybe three times tops, and how i never talk to them. it makes me want to go and at least visit but as most of us know when i go to visit i usually get shafted into staying. im not sure what the hell is goin on with my head. im starting to get that leave me the fuck alone attitude again, wich i dont want to have. oh well i guess time will tell and with that im out to ponder. i just wonder if escape is possible at this point.
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| loco's vato's for life |
[13 Sep 2005|09:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
if i were god - bloodhound gang |
] |
well the time is upon me. i have aquired a new coach for my pit aka the garage. its craptastic but it fits so its all good. plus so its a bed so if i never need to crash and the living room isnt available then fuck it bed for me. finally got my ability to drive legally and a new car of sorts. its also craptastic(notice the theme). i have a bitchin new swing hat. probally the coolest thing ever. and the bastard kevin is out of this fucking house once again (cue the choir) and thus the herald angels sing. that i guess he openly admitted to having a grudge against pat and i for standing up to him. basically he has his panties in a bunch cause i made him feel like he was 2ft tall. oh well good ridence, about time the trash was takin out of this house. well damn i guess that be all for now. with such a gramatical crutch for those of you that are angered by that, i hope you realize what ive done for you :-p. and with that my wonder bread ass is out.
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| rise from your grave.... thats right im that old school |
[28 Aug 2005|12:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 so tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pressure - skindred` |
] |
and im back boys and girls im so fucking back. ive been internetless ive become an indentered servant in my mothers home once again but it was for a halfassed vailant reason so whatever i dont really care all that much. considering the freedoms i have in the house now i feel im truly being treated like an adult for once. 20th bday coming up, wich sucks. i basically have to decide if i want to go out and do something cool with everyone or get a tat. oh well guess time will tell. tomorow is gonna be a good day we finally caned this dumb bitch that worked with me and were hiring a good freind of mine so hopefully work will be pretty bad ass now. so many god damn desicions to make. if you know me well youll get it if not then dont really worry its not a big deal. well the time has come for me to drag my lazy ass the couch i call a bed. and im out
~Ryan~
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| ahhh that new house smell |
[20 Apr 2005|04:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peace at last |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
helena - my chemical romance |
] |
finally moved into my new apartment, its pretty boss if i do say so myself. aside from the fact that im sure one day ill be shot while taking the trash out but its all part of that ilusion of freedom ya know. oh well it still kicks ass. back with rose wich kicks even more ass. god life is starting to look like it cant get any better
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| hmm |
[14 Apr 2005|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
world domination - skindred |
] |
well i most likely wont be working at cobb anymore. i put my two weeks in and they asked me what it would take to keep me there and i told them 7 an hour and a flexible schedule, and if any of you know cobb the chances of that are so fucking slim that ive already started looking for another job. i just got back off my mini little vacation to pace florida, thats way the hell up in the pan handle if you dont know. it was fun i mean i needed the time away to get my head straight and with two 8 hour trips in 3 days i had plenty of time to think. but lately ive been thinking alot about someone from my not to distant past. and ive been realizing that i was such an ass and i fucked that all up for all the wrong reasons. i dont know what i was thinking now that i look back at it i just wish i could make thinks better and right all my wrongs and the chances of her seeing this are so fucking slim and i dont know if she will recognize it. but im sorry i did that and i wish for all that im worth that i could go back in time and change it all. but the kick in the teeth is taht i cant and i know that that relationship was the greatest and could have been all the greater if i hadnt been such a cunt about it. so ill just get it all off my chest and see where it takes me. im sorry for everything, for not opening up and telling you what i was thinking. im sorry i threw all that you had to offer away without a second thought. im sorry for leading you on afterward even when i didnt know what was goin on in my mind. and to top it all off and if that certain person see's this then they will know who im talking about, im sorry i forgot your bday.that and i had a ton of fun watching phantom of the opera. like i said before i just wish that i could go back and change it all and never have made that stupid fucking choice at all. but i cant so i just want you to know im sorry and hope that ill get the chance to talk to you again since im to pussy to say anything directly. anyways, im freaking whipped out im about to pass out so im gonna wrap this up since i got this all off my chest. i hope this somehow works out for me cause god damn to i miss that feeling when i used to be around you.
Ryan
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| just another day |
[28 Mar 2005|08:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
free time is great |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i am - dope |
] |
just another day without internet working in my room and no outside contact to the world. since i hate phones and all. not a lot to say aside from last night sucked big nuts. almost got in a fist fight with kevin cause he was threatening my mom. if he ever touches her i wont be posting in this let alone talking to any of you for a long long lonnnnngggg time i can promise that. as with everyting that has happened recently i just have to hope that the past is the past. and with that ill delve no more of personal life onto an internet blog.
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| to much thinking is bad for your health |
[20 Mar 2005|12:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
david courtney- rancid |
] |
its come to my realization lately that i might be a bitch. i mean that in a sense that im a bitch for a company that has promised me so much. but now that i think about it who wants to give there bitch power? oh well moving on. i got aproved for the apartment so i should be moving out in the near future. hopefully all goes well and if not fuck it not a big deal really. and that should be enough to quelch the nosey bastards who read this to get an insight into my life. just kidding but with tath im out cause im on my moms comp and shes bitching. good night world
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| ...... |
[08 Mar 2005|01:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
random newgrounds flash |
] |
damn i miss danalee. sucks cause shes back and i still havnet even talked to her :-(. this sucks. in other news doing the apartment crap tomorrow
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| well damn |
[26 Feb 2005|04:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
penguins are so cool |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
wander alone - tiger army |
] |
today was one of those days, were all day it kinda sucked but in the end it turned out amazing. gotta love late night drive way talks. thats all for now so i can get some sleep in. sweet dreams world especially danalee.
Ryan
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[22 Feb 2005|02:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awesome |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
stop looking, start seeing - papa roach |
] |
hmm today was a great day in the long run. my teeth hurt but fuck it, i got yelled at,at work a few times but fuck it. i finally did what i was trying to grow the balls to do for a few days now. even though i flet like a putz because of the way it happened. i wish i would have done soem things diffrently but hey all in all it was a great day. damn wow i cant stop smiling. okay no more ranting fo now
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| dead to the world |
[08 Jan 2005|02:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mentally dead |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
chris playin ddr |
] |
well here we are again world you choking the life out of me and me staring back into you fucking eyes with all the malice my heart can muster. well in the course of one day who thought you could be completly fooled by a situation. stabbed in the heart when you didnt think it would matter either way about the outcome. stabbed in the back and made to feel ackward towards one of the only people i actually like as a human being at work. hold your tongue when the reason behind it all smiles in your face like he never knew what was up or how bad it pissed you off. also to put the icing on the cake your mom has a fucking panic atack about something and is really shaken by the experience so much that she wants me home in the morning so we can "talk". all i know is i fucking hate my life right about now. if anyone still reads this shit just know im not gonna hold back what im thinking anymore im so dead to the world with only a few people i cant trust and the rest just smile in my face and act like i should trust them even though every time i do they just piss all over that trust. all in all today had to be one of the worst days of my miserble life and my only hope is that it all ends soon. oh well i guess we'll see
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] |
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thefalenpoptart's journal
